Each Friday, Scott Muska will be blurbing some important information for Funny Moms, so you can quickly and easily stay up to speed on all the stuff that’s happening in the world of pop culture.
Parents are busy.
It’s not like you have time to surf the Internet all day, reading about pop culture and current events, you know, between having to keep your small humans alive and all.
But Scott does. He’s childless and a freelance writer, which means he spends most of his day in front of his laptop skimming the most pertinent information the Internet has to offer. (He spends the rest of his day staring at a blank page and a blinking cursor, sometimes weeping.)
The following stories caught his attention this week:
Get ready, ladies. This week I’m going to talk a lot about Canadians and porn actresses. It was a slow news week.
Seth Rogen (Canadian) spoke frankly this week about his feelings on Justin Bieber (Canadian, thank science), saying he is a “piece of shit,” “a little bit of a motherfucker,” and a “bit of a dick.” If Rogen wasn’t your comedic hero before, he should be now. Bieber responded something apologetic but spelled Rogen’s name wrong.
Rob Ford (Canadian who somehow became the mayor of Toronto despite the fact he is a constantly relapsing crack addict) is in the midst of his first week in rehab. He’s said he loves rehab, and that it reminds him of the Washington Redskin’s football camp he used to go to in childhood. Which really makes me wonder that the fuck that camp was like. And no longer wonder why that franchise has sucked balls for the past forever decades.
Talks are underway for MTV to air a fifth season of Teen Mom, because, well, it’s fucking MTV, they have no shame, and because for some reason people will watch it. (*Bangs head on wall*) But this year it will be without its most famous star, Farrah Abraham. Apparently even MTV draws the line at someone who has released two sex tapes that include anal and sex swings—especially when that’s only the tip of the iceberg of fucked-up shit Abraham has done.
Internet porn magnate Reality Kings is allowing its members to vote on which of its sites they would like to see Belle Knox “perform.” Knox is the porn star who became famous not for her banging skills, but for being a student at Duke who did porn on the side. She’s leveraged this into a porn career where she is likely making much more than her counterparts with more skill and/or experience. (Maybe she will use the extra money for a teeth-whitening.) So if your daughter wants to be famous, tell her to start college and start doing porn around the same time, and then act like she didn’t think people at her school would find out and make a big deal of it.
The Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers are fucking BACK. It was announced this week that a new live-action film using the original five Power Rangers will be made. Start hyping your kids for this now, because they’ll finally get to see what a real cool cartoon is like. Enough of that creepy little James Carville looking toddler, Cailou, who whines more than my Aunt Nancy does during her weekly “Zinfandel” lunches with her fellow Vodkosians.
Kids hate Michelle Obama and I don’t blame them. If some woman who was in a position to influence things because her husband became President, I would be pissed too if she decided to dedicate her resources to fucking with my school lunches. Parents and students have been criticizing Obama’s initiative to provide students with smaller and healthier lunches. They’ve been taking to Twitter to show pictures of the dismal dishes being served at public schools, and they look worse than the shit I used to have to eat for lunch in high school. Which I didn’t even think was possible.