“I can’t believe they made a movie of that? Did enough people really watch that?” My boyfriend asked, incredulous, after commenting, “Oh I hate that guy” when he saw a picture on my Google Images scroll of Jason Dohring, who played Logan on the Veronica Mars television series and plays Logan again in the Veronica Mars movie. My boyfriend has evidently seen the show, so you probably have as well.
The movie might still be watchable if I had never seen the show, but about 80% less so.
So, would you enjoy this movie? Do you like petite blonde women who are handy with tasers and witty repartee? Do you like mystery solving, but always thought that the stoner kids in Scoopy Do could have just stayed in the van and let Velma do all the work? Do you like women who do this while waiting for a job interview at a law firm? Do you like people who remain enmeshed in the social scene of their teenage years, while they are a decade deep into adulthood?
That’s pretty much the movie, you guys. Miss Mars (Kristen Bell), a former teenage private eye, has graduated Columbia Law School and is interviewing for an Impressive Lawyer Job at Impressive New York Law Firms, which you know are impressive because they ask young women about sex tapes and Sigourney Weaver is like, “I don’t even care about your sex tape, you’re hired!” Very edgy. But Veronica cannot actually be a lawyer, of course, because her ex-boyfriend in California has been charged with murder! Murder of his girlfriend, the super famous pop star who also went to high school with Veronica! Now, look, even I went to high school with a pop star, but not every third person in your typical high school will die by murder. But in the fictional hell of “Neptune”, this is the case. So much murder that the ten-year high school reunion plays an in Memoriam reel for about twenty minutes.
Overall, our hero Veronica solves the murder mystery and saves the day, but not really and no thanks to her ex-boyfriend, the world’s most boring “bad boy”. I used to like Logan, which was fairly hard to do because all Jason Dohring really does is walk around with an intense sulkiness. Since he maybe hasn’t had any acting practice since they cancelled the Veronica Mars television series, his sulkiness in the movie is dead-eyed and tired, reminding me more of the unsmiling lady who cleans the sink at my work than a person charged with first-degree murder.
So. See it if you saw the show. But maybe wait for it to hit Netflix. Also, one time I sat next to Martin Starr at a charity event (he plays “Cobb” in the movie) and he was super nice. That’s about all I can muster for the review, which denotes the general disappointment of the viewing experience (i.e. watchable but not as good as that time Kristen Bell cried to Ellen Degeneres about sloths coming to her birthday party).
On the bright side, there is a call back to the television series’ delightful intro song “We Used to be Friends” by the Dandy Warhols. It’s just too bad that this song and the middle-finger lipstick move were my favorite parts of the movie. ★★