Poor Rio. They simply wanted to show the world their Olympic swimming pool-building prowess; however, someone who could not pass their remedial math course — even with their tongue out for extra concentration — dumped the incorrect amount of chemicals into a pool, causing the entire swimming complex to stink like the abode of a lactose intolerant individual who cut the cheese, then ate the cheese, then “cut the cheese”.Well, that’s life!
It’s OK, Rio; we understand your pain. We are all Olympians when it comes to making the most of our literal and figurative flatulence-filled days.
In honor of the Rio Olympics’ hiccups, each tweet on this week’s list is accompanied by one of our daily mishaps, which should qualify as an Olympic event. Do yourself a favor and follow each of these funny tweeters and check back each week for a new crop of hilarious tweets.
1. Click on a link to article titled “10 Ways to Pose Like A Kardashian: You’ll Never Believe #4”. (Spoiler: it involves Photoshopped nudity):
how can a person be both covered in chocolate AND in the bath? let me explain
— Li'l Edie Pentland (@JennyPentland) August 14, 2016
2. You trip on a sidewalk while texting, but catch yourself from falling on your face and manage to not drop your phone (the latter requires extra skill and must be honed over years of stubbornly never learning from past mistakes):
I am woman!…
…Hear me create a situation that's not even there!
— Boss Chick™ (@SexytotheNorth) August 16, 2016
3. Log-in to Facebook:
All I'm saying is, if Dante had to shop for school supplies there would definitely be a 10th circle in his depiction of hell.
— Kevin Hamilton (@Badaftertaste) August 12, 2016
4. You follow an “easy” recipe from thepioneerwoman.com. When it’s “ready,” you take one look at the results, then order a pizza while your dog cleans up all evidence of your domestic failure:
Helping my kid, 4th grade math, Day 4:
My dislike of polygons grows deep. I fear I no longer hear that word w/o great thunder in my brain.
— Marly (@VerbsRProudest) August 16, 2016
5. You make eye-contact with your neighbor as you walk into your house and now he wants to chat:
Today might be bad, but tomorrow could be worse.
— SarcastiB (@BeagirlNJ) August 12, 2016
6. You cut your lawn. Then, a week later, it must be cut again:
"Mommy, is there a baby in your belly?"
– My least favorite child
— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) August 14, 2016
7. You make a perfect cup of coffee in the morning, pour it into a travel mug, then climb into your car and head to work without it:
I hope my son is a werewolf because that's the only acceptable reason for his constant refusal to use silverware.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 12, 2016
8. You type “hear” when you mean “here” in an email to a client, but it wasn’t your fault because your phone corrected it, and you spend the day drafting the perfect follow-up email to explain you know the difference between the two words. You never send it:
Took the M&Ms out of my purse because I don't want to eat them, spilled a few in the bottom first because yes I do.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 18, 2016
9. Some utter asshole left a voicemail for you to ignore:
Lady at our school, who is responsible for teaching my child, asked for my "John Henry" on a permission slip.
— Btemps (@btemps) August 16, 2016
10. You improperly maintain the pool at the Olympic swimming complex, causing it to turn green and stink like an unflushed, stewing toilet bowl:
Last week, I made plans to go out tonight with some mom-friends. Today, everyone cancelled.
Sometimes you find people that just get you.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 16, 2016
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