Erin Says 6
Mom Of The Year – Again
I was outside planting flowers when my daughters informed me they were having a lemonade stand at the end of our driveway. Concerned that their projected profit margins were superficially deflated based on their chosen location, which lacked both visibility and traffic, I conceded to their pleas and allowed them to walk across the street to […]
Happy Motha’s Day
My mom was cleaning my house yesterday (calm down, I pay her in cash) when a wave of nostalgia passed over her after she sprayed oven cleaner. She started blabbing on and on about my childhood while I flipped through a magazine. “The minute you were born you shit all over me and have been […]
Breast Day Ever
Last Friday was the annual Father/Daughter Dance at my kids’ school. I was walking out the door after finishing my weekly obligatory “I have unresolved guilt from my childhood” volunteer duties, when I noticed the decorations for the dance and my head slowly tilted to the side. W.T.F. I stared in absolute bewilderment and incomprehensible […]
Oops I Joined a Cult
My 9-year-old was at her second violin lesson last Sunday when her teacher came out and informed Mike and I that our kid was feeling dizzy. We walked over to check on her as she stumbled around, white as a ghost and told me she was going to be sick. I opened the door to […]
I Can See Clearly Now
I recently ran into a woman I knew at the mall. We exchanged pleasantries and then she launched into how pissed she was that her husband gave her money rather than an actual gift for her birthday. I stood there totally confused. Hi. If Mike gave me money for my birthday I would probably sleep […]