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Expecting Parents 13

 

Lessons Learned While Pregnant In Woo-Town: Blessingways, Hypnobirthing and The Anti-Vaccination Campaign

I live in Southern California, which to most non-Southern Californians probably seems like a vast expanse of svelte, bikini-clad women, stoned surfers, fancy cars, eternal sunshine, and superficial air-kisses. And while that’s an accurate depiction of much of the region, you don’t have to drive too far north on the Pacific Coast Highway to discover […]

June 6, 2014 More
 

Day Care Come and Me Wan’ Go Home

Not all that long ago—last week, to be exact—I wrote a piece on this very website iterating how material goods and supplies are the most important part of hatching your child. I suggested that bottles and Jumperoos and Boppies and snot-suckers and a crib and a stroller will likely mean the difference between your child’s […]

May 28, 2014 More
 

Oh, The Bullshit You’ll Buy

Now that you’re actually growing your baby, you’ll quickly realize that the fun part is over. As an expectant parent, the focus now becomes the preparation. You’ve picked a name, you’ve made the glorious proclamation, and now you need to start procuring things so that when you bring your new little bundle of joy home, […]

May 16, 2014 More
 

18 Weeks: Vaginal Discharge and Sweet Potato, Kale, and Sausage Bake with White Cheese Sauce

Pregnancy is magical. When you become pregnant, you unknowingly enter into a world of physical/emotional/spiritual shifts previously unprecedented in your sad, miserable, meaningless existence. Once you become a life-giving precious vessel to the tiny miracle inside of you, everything changes. Your body, no longer your own. Your emotions, foreign even to your sweet husband who […]

April 30, 2014 More
 

Your Baby Name Will Undoubtedly be Flawed

A heralded writer named Wilson Shakespeare once posed the question, “What’s in a name?” It’s a good question, really. Names are important. Being able to name our things and ourselves is truly what separates us from the animals. Well, that and inventing Turbo Tax, because I’d like to see a motherfucking monkey do THAT shit, […]

April 29, 2014 More
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